Lessons

Tariffs on and tariffs off at random
Markets down, but whipping up his fandom.
Like a child with narcissist dimensions:
He wants to be the center of attention.

On the front page, always in the headlines
Give reporters something for their deadlines.
It seems that he enjoys creating tension:
He wants to be the center of attention.

We wait each day for his next proclamation,
Pronouncement, blatant act or accusation.
Our rationality is in suspension:
We’ve made himself the center of attention.

He cares not for his Presidential duty;
He looks for ways to make and shake his booty.
And most of all, did I forget to mention?
He wants to be the center of attention.

Washington, DC
The White House
From the Dissociated Press

Following on the success of previous Executive Orders, in the face of which cowered large law firms, prestigious universities, and public schools, President Donald J Trump today issued three new Orders designed to promote his idea of the truth, and to inject his personal style into all facets of life in the United States.

Liberty
The first executive order was aimed at the National Park service. It required the Park Rangers at Lberty National Park in New York Harbor to immediately, if not sooner, replace the poem in the book cradled in the statue’s, arms, with a poem of the Presidents owne composition. The replacement poem reads as follows:

Take back your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Take these, the homeless, tempest-tost from me,
I snuff my lamp beside the golden door!

Equality
The second executive order threatened all schools, colleges, universities, and libraries that receive federal money, to rescind these funds unless they made the following changes in all books, magazines, textbooks, posters, and other places where citizens might read the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution. From the Declaration, he ordered them to strike the phrase, “all men are created equal.” And from the preamble of the Constitution to strike the phrases, “establish justice,” and “promote the general welfare.”

Perversity
The third and most colorful Executive Order, applying to schools and colleges that wish to continue receiving Federal funds, calls for each classroom to display a portrait of said President Donald J. Trump in a conspicuous place. A QR code on the Oder pointed to a product page on Amazon where schools could choose from three (3) sizes of picture, and four (4) different mottos:
• You’re fired!
• Let’s Make a Deal
• Semper Rex
• Caveat Emptor

(As of this writing, the last choice was reported oversubscribed.)

Fearing reprisals, no one from the National Park Service, or the schools and colleges would comment on these orders for the record.

#

(None of this is true.)

Our country is run like the mafia:
Tariffs, extortions and bribes;
You give me this, I’ll give you that,
And make something more on the side.

It’s the art of the deal, the sleaze and the steal,
Applied to all aspects of life:
Science and schooling and now foreign trade:
In their backs stab your friends with a knife.

And so we see turmoil and stress and chaos:
“The wages of sin is death.”
What will the day bring? What baffling news?
We wait with bated breath.

The daily results are sad and tragic;
Money lost and taxes high.
But the long-term effect on trust and morals
Will kiss our nation goodbye.

Our city on a hill, our light to the world,
Dethroned and darkened with greed.
“Will no one rid us of this turbulent priest?”
Who will step up to lead?

Times have changed…
And we’ve often rewound the clock
Since the Puritans got the shock
When they landed on Plymouth Rock

If today…
Any shock they should try to stem
‘Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock
Plymouth Rock would land on them

In olden days we had three branches
Of government; what were the chances
They’d fold?
Now anything goes

The Congress gave him all their powers
The Supreme Court sits back and cowers
In black robes
Anything goes

The world has gone mad today
And good’s bad today
And black’s white today
And day’s night today

And that gent today
Elected yesterday
Grins and thumbs his nose

They granted him too much autonomy
Now we’ve got a sunk economy
In the throes:
Anything goes

Our friends in NATO used to love us
But now they want to quickly shove us
Down a hole
Anything goes

Just think of those shocks you’ve got
And those stocks that flopped
And those blues you’ve got
From those news you’ve got

And those pains you’ve got
(If any brains you’ve got)
From those online data flows.

We never laid this many tariffs
But it looks like Congress doesn’t care if
Trade has froze
Anything goes

As markets fell with assets gutted
The President stood by and putted
Into holes
Anything goes

You want diversity?
At university?
Promoting equity?
And inclusivity?

Then those grants you see
Becoming history
Your budget decomposed

Republicans continue pandering
Noses brown and minds meandering
In repose
Anything goes

Computing now the price of groceries
Pocketbooks just can’t get over these
Ratios
Anything goes

If Tesla cars you like
And going to Mars you like
If billionaires you like
If orange hair you like

You’ve all been fooled
And now you’re cruelly ruled
By a philandering gigolo

You’ve let that orange-tufted monkey
Make your precious 401(k)
Decompose
Anything goes

So wipe your nose it’s inexcusable
Let us conduct Constitutional
Reimpose
Anything goes.
Anything goes.

By Jim Lengel, ’71
With thanks to Cole Porter, ’13

The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises…To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations

From Article 2, Section 8 of the US Constitution, 1789

The Congress shall have power,
The document is clear
To set and levy tariffs
On goods from far and near.

So Congress, do your duty;
Reclaim your sacred power;
Our immature Executive
Gets worse with every hour.

Back in the beginning
Tariffs were all we used
To finance our new country;
Seldom much abused.

Somewhere in our history,
Congress passed its power
To manage foreign commerce
To the President; it cowered.

Economy worsening every day
Markets crashing quickly,
Prices rise, the more we pay,
Employment sluggish, sickly.

Our trading partners horrified,
Our factories slowing down,
Congress, do your duty:
Rein in this raging clown.

Becca Balint, Bernie Sanders,
Peter Welch and All:
Act now: restore your power,
And save us from a fall.

Senators, congressmen, please heed the call:
Don’t stand in the doorway, don’t block up the hall,
For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled:
There’s a battle outside and it’s raging;
It’ll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls,
For the times, they are a changing.

Bob Dylan

It’s tax time again, I don’t believe it,
Ten-forty awaiting its fill.
But will anyone be there to receive it,
With the IRS vacant and nil?

Will anyone care if my standard deduction
Is double what it should be?
Perhaps this year we’ll see a reduction
In how much they’ll get from me.

Me and everyone else you see
Know that the IRS
Has no one left to enforce the law;
Our country’s in a mess.

So here I am, the boxes filled
With numbers false and true;
I’ll file my form, my secrets spilled,
But who do I give it to?

It’ll end up in some empty room
With its brothers and sisters in piles,
Ignored there in the lonely gloom
Without an employee for miles.

Government efficiency
Has gutted the IRS.
With this foolish inconsistency,
We’ll all be paying less.

Tariffs in the morning,
Tariffs in the evening,
Tariffs at suppertime.
Pay those hefty tariffs,
And watch the prices climb.

Honey, it’s expensive,
Tariffs are extensive,
Paying them all the time.
Oh my little honey,
These tariffs are a crime.

Take back those pesky tariffs,
And keep our prices down.
I really wouldn’t care if
We dumped that evil clown.

Tariffs on your TV,
Tariffs on your EV,
Tariffs on your pickup truck;
Everything cost more now,
We’re really out of luck.

Tariffs on your lumber,
Your wine and your cucumber,
Tariffs on your whiskey, too;
Our friends don’t like these tariffs,
They’re bad for me and you.

Tariffs on your plumbing,
Tariffs on your clothes;
Maybe more are coming,
But no one really knows.

Dryers and dishwashers,
Boy it makes me nauseous,
Tariffs on everything.
On cars and phones and cameras,
On sausages and springs.

Tariffs on bananas,
Tariffs on pajamas,
Tariffs on your underwear.
High prices gonna slam us.
But Washington don’t care.

Economic chaos,
Convoluted trade,
Nobody will pay us;
We’ll watch our fortunes fade.

Tariffs in the morning,
Tariffs in the evening,
Tariffs at suppertime.
Pay those hefty tariffs,
And watch the prices climb.

O beautiful for MAGA guys,
For oligarchs so vain,
They think they’re Royal Majesties,
Above us folks so plain.

America, America, God’s grace is lost on thee;
You’ve crowned a hood who’s not so good,
From him please set us free.

O beautiful, for no vaccines,
Let sickness spread its fears;
Preventable contagion streams,
And brings on human tears.

America, America, God’s grace is lost on thee;
You’ve crowned a hood who’s not so good,
From him please set us free.

O beautiful for tariff tax
On trucks and cars and wine
As prices rise, let’s face the facts:
This man is not divine.

America, America, God’s grace is lost on thee;
You’ve crowned a hood who’s not so good,
From him please set us free.

O beautiful for those that block
These brash illegal schemes.
Who recognize it’s all a crock;
Don’t let him spoil our dreams.

America, America, God’s grace is lost on thee;
You’ve crowned a hood who’s not so good,
From him please set us free.

O beautiful for tyrants strong,
For dictators and kings,
To save us from the madding throng,
At your command we sing:

America, America, God’s grace is lost on thee;
You’ve crowned a hood who’s not so good,
From him please set us free.

You used to get anything you want
At America’s restaurant.
You used to get anything you want
At America’s restaurant.

Walked right in, ’twas around the back,
Ready to help when you’re attacked;
You used to get anything you want,
At America’s restaurant.

Now the front door’s closed and shut,
At America’s restaurant.
We can’t help you, no matter what,
At America’s restaurant.

Need some food? You’re out of luck;
Medicine? I’m afraid you’re stuck.
You used to get anything you want,
At America’s restaurant.

We welcome tyrants left and right,
At America’s restaurant.
We’re proudly serving apartheid,
At America’s restaurant.

Musk and Putin, they’re our friends; Selfish isolation never ends; You used to get anything you want, At America’s restaurant.

Global commerce: not no more,
At America’s restaurant.
Imports, exports, close the door!
At America’s restaurant.

Want to sell us some fancy stuff? We’ll add a tariff, pretty tough: You used to get anything you want, At America’s restaurant.

Now it’s time to turn the tables,
At America’s restaurant.
This new regime must be disabled.
At America’s restaurant.

March in streets and courtrooms too
Enforce the law for me and you:
Then you’ll get all the things you want,
At America’s restaurant.