Lessons

O beautiful for MAGA guys,
For oligarchs so vain,
They think they’re Royal Majesties,
Above us folks so plain.

America, America, God’s grace is lost on thee;
You’ve crowned a hood who’s not so good,
From him please set us free.

O beautiful, for no vaccines,
Let sickness spread its fears;
Preventable contagion streams,
And brings on human tears.

America, America, God’s grace is lost on thee;
You’ve crowned a hood who’s not so good,
From him please set us free.

O beautiful for tariff tax
On trucks and cars and wine
As prices rise, let’s face the facts:
This man is not divine.

America, America, God’s grace is lost on thee;
You’ve crowned a hood who’s not so good,
From him please set us free.

O beautiful for those that block
These brash illegal schemes.
Who recognize it’s all a crock;
Don’t let him spoil our dreams.

America, America, God’s grace is lost on thee;
You’ve crowned a hood who’s not so good,
From him please set us free.

O beautiful for tyrants strong,
For dictators and kings,
To save us from the madding throng,
At your command we sing:

America, America, God’s grace is lost on thee;
You’ve crowned a hood who’s not so good,
From him please set us free.

You used to get anything you want
At America’s restaurant.
You used to get anything you want
At America’s restaurant.

Walked right in, ’twas around the back,
Ready to help when you’re attacked;
You used to get anything you want,
At America’s restaurant.

Now the front door’s closed and shut,
At America’s restaurant.
We can’t help you, no matter what,
At America’s restaurant.

Need some food? You’re out of luck;
Medicine? I’m afraid you’re stuck.
You used to get anything you want,
At America’s restaurant.

We welcome tyrants left and right,
At America’s restaurant.
We’re proudly serving apartheid,
At America’s restaurant.

Musk and Putin, they’re our friends; Selfish isolation never ends; You used to get anything you want, At America’s restaurant.

Global commerce: not no more,
At America’s restaurant.
Imports, exports, close the door!
At America’s restaurant.

Want to sell us some fancy stuff? We’ll add a tariff, pretty tough: You used to get anything you want, At America’s restaurant.

Now it’s time to turn the tables,
At America’s restaurant.
This new regime must be disabled.
At America’s restaurant.

March in streets and courtrooms too
Enforce the law for me and you:
Then you’ll get all the things you want,
At America’s restaurant.

I pre-paid the Ford, a brand-new pickup;
Then my dealer explained the extra-cost hiccup:
“Raise the price? I wouldn’t dare if
Our President hadn’t laid on the tariff.”

“It’s an F-150, made in the States,
A redneck truck, with Michigan plates!”
“Don’t complain, or I’ll call the Sheriff:
It’s the law of the land, this god-damned tariff.”

Its motor’s made in Canada, the wheels in Mexico,
Foreign parts are in our cars, no matter wherever you go.
I’m a patriot, and so shouldn’t care if
Our President hadn’t laid on this tariff.

“How much more? Fifteen thousand!”
Thus emotions quickly arouse in
Folks for whom it doesn’t seem fair if
We tax ourselves with a gigantic tariff.

When onto our imports and exports we put
Tariffs, we shoot ourselves in the foot.
Of all this I would not be aware if
My pickup hadn’t been taxed with a tariff.

The military did its duty:
After much texting, it killed a Houti.
Stocks kept falling, confidence too;
Washington: weak in review.

Except for Tesla, tariffs on cars;
Innocent migrants slammed behind bars;
High mucky-mucks deep in the doo-doo;
Washington: weak in review.

Agencies gutted, colleges slammed;
Benefits threatened, the people be damned;
From global commitments we quickly withdrew;
Washington: weak in review.

FEMA, healthcare, IRS:
Thousands fired, staffs compressed;
States and cities all ahoo;
Washington: weak in review.

Hegseth, Goldberg, J.D. and Waltz,
Must have got their Signals crossed;
Senators, Congressmen don’t have a clue;
Washington: weak in review.

I was prepping the baby, tying her booties,
When I felt my mobile phone buzz.
Someone texting about the Houthis;
I wondered who it was.

Messages from Mike, Pete, and J.D.,
I watched it happening live.
Texting about drones and bombs and jets,
Rockets and F-35’s.

I saw texts scroll up to the top;
I did not dare respond.
Perhaps I should’ve called the cops;
Was I somehow being conned?

“Destroy their weapons, nuke their force…”
“No, that’s not so wise;”
I watched them argue back and forth;
They could not compromise.

The baby’s crying, I must return
To my work and my family;
Tonight I’ll watch the Houthis burn;
“Great TV,” wrote J.D.

Bernie Sanders, pretty snarky.
Wants to fight the oligarchy.
What’s an oligarch you say?
Will they lead us all astray?

Oligarchy means rule by the few,
(Not including me and you).
Aristotle, Greek and wise
Thought oligarchy not so nice.

What happens to the people’s needs,
When only rich men get to lead?
We’ll soon find out, for we have let
The oligarchs place all the bets.

Democracy, they say, has failed;
“Government must be empaled,
To a shadow of its former self,
Constitution? Off the shelf!”

“A few financiers, rich and strong,
Are best to lead the teeming throng.”
Do we think these big shots, selfish men,
Will make America great again?

Can they steer the ship of state
With all of us along as freight?
Stay vigilant when you embark
On a voyage with the oligarchs.

Keep an eye on your savings, your daughters too;
They’re not to be trusted, these happy few.
Spoiled as children, they think that they
Must always and quickly get their way.

We must now raise la résistance,
Deploy the law to to slow their advance;
Peaceably to assemble allegiances,
To block their way and redress our grievances.

Thank you, Bernie, for lighting the sparks
Of the fire that burns the oligarchs.

Now the whale did strike, and the line paid out,
Then the whale gave a flutter with its tail;
The boat capsized, and four gallant men were lost,
No more, no more Greenland for you, brave boys.
No more, no more Greenland for you.

In the year two-thousand twenty-five, in March the twenty-eighth day,
We launched our boat from Washington, and to Greenland sailed away.
To Greenland sailed away, brave boys.
To Greenland sailed away.

With the wife of the vice president, and three big shots on board,
We raised the stars-and-stripes to the top of the mast,
Bound for Greenland’s shore, brave boys,
Bound for Greenland’s shore.

The second lady in the cross trees stood, with a spyglass in her hand;
“There’s a whale, there’s a whale, there’s a whalefish,” she cried,
“And he blows at every span, brave boys,
And he blows at every span.”

The captain cried from the quarterdeck, with plunder in his eyes,
“Harpoon that beast, full of minerals and oil,
“She’ll make a lovely prize, brave boys,
“She’ll make a lovely prize.”

But the whale did strike, and the line paid out,
Then the whale gave a flutter with its tail;
The boat capsized, and four gallant men were lost,
And we never caught that whale, brave boys
And we never caught that whale.

“To lose those men,” the captain cried, “burns my heart full sore;
“But to lose that whale, with its minerals and oil,
“It burns me 10 times more, brave boys,
“It burns me 10 times more.”

Now Greenland is a barren place, where wind blows like a gale.
And it’s people tell you time and time again:
“Greenland is not for sale, brave boys,
“Greenland is not for sale.”

But the whale did strike, and the line paid out,
Then the whale gave a flutter with its tail;
The boat capsized, and four gallant men were lost,
No more, no more Greenland for you, brave boys,
No more, no more Greenland for you.

Trump talked to Putin,
Who said he’s stop shootin’,
But that hasn’t happened, that’s for sure.

The bombs keep a-falling,
It’s really quite appalling,
It’s worse than it’s ever been before.

“I’ll end the war in a day,”
The candidate did say,
But three months in it’s raging like a storm.

This man can’t make a deal,
He’s slippery as a seal,
Hitler, Stalin all rolled into one.

Putin plays him like a fiddle,
While Europe’s in the middle;
The shenanigans have only just begun.

Ukrainians lay down dying,
With Europeans crying,
While Trump heads off to Greenland for a show.

We’ve lost all sense of justice;
Nobody will trust us;
It’s time to get things back under control.

TO:
Office of the POTUS
THE WHITE HOUSE
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

FROM:
Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)

SUBJECT:
Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) Questionnaire

Your office, like all others in the bloated and wasteful Federal Government, is hereby commanded to complete the following Questionnaire regarding Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI). We seek to confirm and identify those Workers who may fall under the rubric of Unqualified Government Legacy Ineligible Employees (UGLIE).

Our sources have pinpointed the following bureaucrats in your Office who may suspected of DEI tendencies:

•   Elon X. Musk, Special Assistant to the President
•   Donald J. Trump, POTUS
•   Melania W. Trump, FLOTUS

Diversity
Aliens, Immigrants, Foreigners, and other Undesirables are obviously the first to go. They talk funny and are not to be trusted. Please confirm their Status by checking the boxes below:

Name	. Place of Birth
Elon X. Musk	South Africa
Donald J. Trump	Queens
Melania W. Trump	Slovenia

Equity
All equity (stocks, bonds, shares, investments, cash, real estate, pocket change and other assets) owned by these Employees shall immediately and without exception be transferred to the Department of the Treasury. Please confirm the amounts and mode of transfer in the boxes below.

Name	Amount	Cash	Bitcoin	Bank	Venmo
Elon X. Musk	$	❏	❏	❏	❏
Donald J. Trump	$	❏	❏	❏	❏
Melania W. Trump	$	❏	❏	❏	❏

Inclusion

Employees hired under DEI Inclusion programs (minorities, women, convicted felons, n’er-do-wells, tax evaders, philanderers, folks from sh*thole countries etc.) must be summarily Dismissed. Please identify the inclusion status of each “employee” by filling in the boxes below:

Name	Woman	N’er-Do-Well	TaxEvader	Philanderer	Sh*thole Country
Elon X. Musk	❏	❏	❏	❏	❏
Donald J. Trump	❏	❏	❏	❏	❏
Melania W. Trump	❏	❏	❏	❏	❏

Upon completion of this Questionnaire, please send it in triplicate to:

Department of government efficiency (DOGE)
13 Chainsaw Circle
Washington DC 66666