First there’s greed, it’s what we need
Our greatness to sustain.
Then there’s pride; we should not hide
Our cleverness, our brains.
And don’t you see that jealousy
With envy oft converges?
And you can trust unbridled lust
To satisfy your urges.
Now there’s wrath: do the math:
It frightens off your foes.
Gluttony seems fine to me
The more your stomach grows.
if you’re the boss, then lazy sloth
Is justified and true.
These virtues are just fine for me,
But seven sins for you.
There’s chastity, but not for me;
Why should I deny it?
On temperance, I look askance;
Never shall I try it.
Now charity’s a rarity,
Unless from it you profit.
And diligence: it makes no sense
Hard work? We’ve got to stop it.
Practice kindness? Only blindness
Can hide its reckless damage.
And as for patience, it only hastens
Others to take advantage.
There’s no utility in weak humility
This I know for sure.
Only snoozers, weak-kneed losers,
These sins can long endure.