Month: April 2025

A Plagiarized Play

Scene: a stormy night in the Capital cloakroom, lightning, wind, and rain. Enter Senators Cassius (R-Puglia) and Casca (R-Verona).

Sen Cassius:
Now could I, Casca, name to thee a man
Most like this dreadful night,
That thunders, lightens, opens graves, and roars
As doth the lion in the Capitol;
A man no mightier than thyself or me
In personal action, yet prodigious grown,
And fearful, as these strange eruptions are.

Sen. Casca:
’Tis Caesar that you mean, is it not, Cassius?

Sen. Cassius:
Let it be who it is. For Romans now
Have thews and limbs like to their ancestors.
But, woe the while, our fathers’ minds are dead,
And we are governed with our mothers’ spirits.
Our yoke and sufferance show us womanish.

Sen. Casca:
Indeed, they say the Senators tomorrow
Mean to establish Caesar as a king,
And he shall wear his crown by sea and land
In every place save here in Italy.

Sen. Cassius:
I know where I will wear this dagger then;
Cassius from bondage will deliver Cassius.
Therein, you gods, you make the weak most strong;
Therein, you gods, you tyrants do defeat.

And why should Caesar be a tyrant, then?
Poor man, I know he would not be a wolf
But that he sees the Romans are but sheep;
He were no lion, were not Romans hinds.
Those that with haste will make a mighty fire
Begin it with weak straws. What trash is Rome,
What rubbish, and what offal when it serves
For the base matter to illuminate
So vile a thing as Caesar!

Sen. Casca:
You speak to Casca, and to such a man
That is no fleering telltale. Hold. My hand.
[They shake hands.]
Be factious for redress of all these griefs,
And I will set this foot of mine as far
As who goes farthest.

Sen. Cassius:
There’s a bargain made.
Now know you, Casca, I have moved already
Some certain of the noblest-minded Romans
To undergo with me an enterprise
Of honorable-dangerous consequence.

Enter Senator Macbeth (R-Scotland) and his wife, along with Sen. Hamlet (R-Denmark)

Sen. Macbeth:
If it were done, when ’tis done,
Then ’twere well It were done quickly.

Sen. Macbeth’s wife:
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow…

Sen. Hamlet:
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of Resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of Thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
With this regard their Currents turn awry,
And lose the name of Action.

Enter Senator Humphrey (R-Buckinghamshire)

Sen. Cassius:
[Aside ] Whom have we here? Buckingham, to disturb me?
The king hath sent him, sure: I must dissemble.

Humphrey of Buckingham, I accept thy greeting.
Art thou a messenger, or come of pleasure?

Sen. Humphrey:
A messenger from the King, our dread liege,
To know the reason of these arms in peace;
Or why thou, being a subject as I am,
Against thy oath and true allegiance sworn,
Should raise so great a power without his leave,
Or dare to bring thy force so near the court.

Sen Cassius:
[Aside] Scarce can I speak, my choler is so great:
O, I could hew up rocks and fight with flint,
I am so angry at these abject terms…

Enter The King.

The King:
[Aside]
Let me have men about me that are fat,
Sleek-headed men and such as sleep a-nights.
Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look,
He thinks too much; such men are dangerous.

[To the others]
O, where is faith? O, where is loyalty?
If it be banish’d from the frosty head,
Where shall it find a harbour in the earth?
Wilt thou go dig a grave to find out war,
And shame thine honourable age with blood?

Enter Sen. Brutus (R-Rubicon)

The King:
The ides of March are come.

Brutus:
Ay, Caesar; but not gone.

The King:
Et tu, Brute! Then fall, Caesar!

Cassius:
Liberty! Freedom! Tyranny is dead!

Lady Macbeth:
Out, damned spot! out, I say!
One: two: why, then, ’tis time to do’t.
–Hell is murky!–Fie, my lord, fie! a soldier, and afeard?
What need we fear who knows it,
When none can call our power to account?
Yet who would have thought the old man
To have had so much blood in him.

Sen. Hamlet:
The play’s the thing
To catch the conscience of the king.

Enter Robin Goodfellow.

Robin Goodfellow:
Lord, what fools these mortals be!

——————————————————————————————————————
Words by William Shakespeare (D-Stratford-upon-Avon) from
Julius Caesar, Henry VI, Macbeth, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and Hamlet

“Take out the garbage!”
“Clean up the sink!”
Executive orders will drive me to drink!

“You want your allowance?
Then do what I say!”
Executive orders determine my pay.

“Worship my idols!
Believe in my Gods!”
Executive orders: what are the odds…

Should I obey them?
Should I resist?
Executive orders just can’t be dismissed.

If they tell me to polka?
If they tell me to waltz?
Executive orders unlawful and false?

Imagine my peril
If I choose not to dance
To executive orders: should I take that chance?

It’s easy to lie down,
Cower and submit,
To executive orders illegally writ.

But if we don’t fight back,
If we don’t defy,
Executive orders will just multiply.

I can get away with anything.
No one will stop me now.
Pampered and spoiled all my life,
Like a king am I endowed.

Women, I grab them anywhere;
Taxes, I don’t have to pay.
Lies, I tell them all the time;
I always get my way.

Let me tell you, this is fun:
Seeing how far I can go.
The people, Congress, Supreme Court;
None has dared to slow…

My march to absolute monarchy,
My need to be the king.
They fear my vengeance bitter;
My praises they all sing.

Speak up and I’ll deport you.
Make waves and you’ll be drowned.
It seems my reach is endless.
My power knows no bounds.

No one will dare defy me,
No one will call my bluff,
My lust for power is growing,
I’ll never have enough.

I’ll deport foreign students,
I’ll crush the Ivy League,
I’ll silence any professor
Who dares not follow my lead.

This is the way to Greatness,
This is the way to Fame.
This is the way to guarantee
The world will worship my name.

In Blackshirts like S.S. and storm troops,
Faces covered, no I.D.,
They grab folks from the streets and doorsteps:
Next one could be you or me.

They whisk them away in wagons,
No warrant, no judge, no crime,
In jail, incommunicado:
That could be you next time.

Then fly them off to prison
In Cuba or El Salvador,
Beyond the reach of reason,
Beyond the reach of the law.

Like Pol Pot or Stalin or Hitler,
We’ve seen this all before.
So when you hear the knocking,
Better not answer your door.

Why are we letting this happen?
Why only sit and complain?
The time is now for action:
A citizens’ hurricane.

Expose the cowardly Blackshirts.
Surround them with disgrace and shame.
Sit down in front of their masters,
To block their illegal game.

Surround the members of Congress,
No matter wherever they go;
Tell them to stop this nonsense;
Make your discontent known.

Peaceably should we assemble,
Wherever abductions occur.
To block the illegal kidnaps,
We need some serene saboteurs.

Gandhi and King succeeded
In righting injustice and hate.
We need to repeat their action,
Now, before it’s too late.

As I pondered quickly reading
In a trail of tears succeeding
With my mind and mem’ry pleading
For this horror to be leaving,

In my ears I hear a rapping,
Like a raven gently tapping,
Tapping at my chamber door;
Sounds I never knew before.

Must be just the wild wind wafting,
Whipping wickets plump and zaftig;
To the door then deftly running
To identify the distant drumming.

Grabbed the knob and swung it open,
Looking leering lamely groping,
Hoping for familiar lore:
Looking for America before.

Through the dark deserted doorway,
Searching for the shining sun ray,
The lamp upon the teeming shore:
The America I knew before

A land of robust constitution;
All races making contribution;
A bouillabaisse of hope galore:
The America I knew before.

But before me in the doorway
Only empty space implored me
To forget the friendly facets
Of the gem that now stands tacit.

Where’s the nation sorely blessed
By gods of justice well confessed?
Will I find the place I knew before?
Quoth the raven “Nevermore.”

Nobody wants a Tesla,
Neither the truck nor the car.
The first looks like a dumpster,
The second won’t go very far.

If it didn’t smell so Musky,
if it didn’t cost so much,
I’d have bought myself a Tesla,
But now I’ll never touch…

That sleek electric auto
That’s now so out of style
Since Elon blasted Washington
And oozed his vengeful bile.

Wanna buy a Tesla?
They’re going pretty cheap;
Who would want to buy a car
Made by a selfish creep?

So if you see a Tesla,
Look behind the wheel:
Drivers with their heads down,
Their features to conceal.

Tesla’s reputation
Has tumbled down so far.
That nobody wants a Tesla,
Neither the truck nor the car.

In the ’40’s they sent them in freight cars,
Today we fly them in planes,
Stripped and shaved and broken,
Bent over and shackled in chains.

“They’re not like us, they don’t believe
In our myths and fantasies;
But most of all they look so strange,
Tattooed for all to see.”

“They are the cause of our problems;
It’s them that we must blame;
Unless we send them far away
Our nation won’t be the same.”

So we grab them on the street corner,
We whisk them into jail,
We herd them all like cattle,
No judge, no plea, no trial.

If this is what we’ve come to,
If this is who we are,
Then it’s time to stop this tyrant
He’s already gone too far.

Executive, legislative, judicial;
The President, the Congress, the Courts.
“This town ain’t big enough for the three of us.”
We’re in for some serious sports .

My money is on the President.
He thinks he’s clever and smart.
He thinks he has a mandate
To tear the country apart.

But the Congress is loading its bullets:
“We make the laws, not him.
He’ll do what we say, or will put him away.
He can’t rule with his personal whims.”

“If ever you two should start shooting,”
Says the court as it sits in its robes.
“We’ll be the final decider;
We’ll make sure that nothing explodes.”

The sun beats down on the trio.
The pistols are loaded and primed.
Three branches arrayed in the foreground;
World watching before and behind.

President takes aim at the Congress;
The Congress just cowers and hides;
The Court is stuck in its holster;
The people can’t wait to take sides.

Look who gets caught in the crossfire:
The children, the old folks, the lame.
The economy shot down and bloody,
America never the same.

Like the olden days gunfight at Tombstone,
Like the present day contest of will,
We are headed right now for a showdown
That can only propel us downhill.

Good night, poor Harvard; Harvard, good night.
We’ve got your number, so turn to the right.

Rah, rah, rah!

Good night poor Harvard, you’ll see things my way.
If you want my money, you’ll do what I say.

Good night poor Harvard, you’ll never last;
Goodbye to research, farewell veritas.

Good night poor Harvard, you’ll have to give in,
Just like Columbia, that bastion of sin.

Good night poor Harvard, Princeton and Yale,
You’ll follow my dictates, or end up in jail.

Good night poor Harvard, now I am the king.
I’m so much smarter, I know everything.

Good night poor Harvard, your budget is dead.
Yale‘s in the blue, but you’re in the red.

Good night poor Harvard your science is done:
Labs closed and shuttered, with truth on the run.

Good night poor Harvard, Harvard, bonsoir.
Your overseas students should stay where they are.

Good night poor Harvard, Harvard good night.
The left has you captured; I’ll set you to rights.

Rah, rah, rah!

Good night poor Harvard, now vengeance is mine:
You’ll get back your money if you kiss my behind.

Rah, rah, rah!

Tariffs on roses and imported kittens
French Copper kettles and Icelandic mittens
Tariffs on packages sent from Beijing
Tariffs on all of my favorite things

Fridges from China and sportscars from Europe
Mexican veggies, Canadian syrup,
African coffee, Dutch tulips in spring;
Tariffs on all of my favorite things

With the tax hike
There’s a price spike;
Then I’m feeling poor;
High tariffs on all of my favorite things
That I can’t enjoy no more.

Tariffs on dresses made by Bangladeshis
Makeup to spread on your nose and eyelashes
Phones and computers and nice diamond rings
Tariffs on all of my favorite things.

Green avocados and Irish potatoes,
Peruvian berries, Italian tomatoes
Japanese ramen that’s fit for a King
Tariffs on all of my favorite things.

Raise the duties
On those booties
Make the people mad
Tariffs that change on the president’s whim
That’s why I feel so sad.